Thursday, March 05, 2009

Time to pick the help

Ladies and gentlemen, let me give you a quick recap of what has been happening around us in the recent past:

  • The world faces one of the worst economic depressions in history. China has an appalling growth prediction of 8%, so you know it's true. The Free Market Economy is pretty much on its way up there to play cards with its old rival communism. The US and UK are nationalizing banks, trade protectionism is on the rise. And of course the Indian left is saying "Told you so, starving under Stalin was so much better than losing your job to these capitalist bourgeoise morons".
  • The Taliban is a short midnight drive away from our country's borders. You know one of these days a Talib hothead is going to get a little bit too tipsy and decide and declare that Madhuri Dixit is Taliban property and Indians viewing movies of hers is an offence against the entire Islamic world. He's going to jump in his jeep and come to claim her. (I don't expect him to know that she stays in the US nowadays! Shhhh!! Nobody tell him)
  • Terrorists have become more frequent that chaiwallas in our cities' streets. I have a feeling these terrorists really just are trying to find a way out of Pakistan, so they sell their souls to ISI and hope to come over shoot up some folks and blend into our crowd and never go back to Pakistan. I bet they do it for our saas-bahu serials.
  • Personal Freedom guaranteed by the Constitution of India to all citizens of India (and any illegal immigrants) is at grave danger of being forgotten. Biharis driving taxis in Mumbai and Women drinking in pubs at Bangalore have a strange similarity. Absolutely everyone is offended by everything. I'm offended that Hrithik Roshan isn't overweight like me. His six-pack has offended us fat peoples' sentiments for years. It's time he puts on some weight.
  • Our government departments' efficiency, honesty and integrity is very close to the point of no return. I'm pretty confident the whole Provident Fund organizations work can be done by a well written software which would take less than 3 months to develop. Their offices look like a fire hazard with bundles of paper as old as the swinging sixties and people as old as the Tense Thirties lying around. I'm pretty sure they took kharchapaani from their father to give him his pension!
  • Our elephant economy image has eroded. The government has managed to neither implement good schemes for the poor nor make India a better place to do business. "We're pro-poor, so what if we couldn't make the poor any richer, we made the rich poorer didn't we? In a relative world, that's equivalent. We're not going to let rich people in their expensive Tata Nano's drive around our state. We prefer to be jobless than produce such luxury goods."
  • The whole subcontinental region is ready to explode. Lanka is in the deepest strife since Big Daddy Ramachandra went over to whoop some Ravanass, Bangladesh is not quite sure how they had a mutiny, Nepal has a huge Maoist hangover (It's true what the elders say, never mix drinks. Monarchy and Maoism never goes well down or out), Swat has a system of law finally (and it's not too good for the ladies who want to shake a leg), I'm pretty sure Baluchistan already has a national flag, the Tribal provinces bordering Afghanistan are kept busy with their narcotics agriculture and American target practice and then there's Pakistan. I still think Pakistan is the happiest of the lot since they have a very talented clown for their President (Sigh – Only if Sarah Palin had won).
  • Finally, our poor Mother Earth, who had been hoping all this global warming angst would help her out a bit, has no respite for some time now until all these problems humans create with their paper with presidents on them are solved. Cheers, wait a few years and Pune may have its own beach, and we can all go scuba diving to look at the lost city of Bombay.

Pretty historic times don't you think. And I was complaining that I was born in the wrong era, and nothing exciting ever happens any more. Oh, how I wish it were those good old boring times again. 'Ikkare nilkumbol akkare pacha'

Considering all these factors, I believe our future is going to be determined by the choices we make, the choices we make now. Let me say it now and say it aloud:

The next 3 months are going to decide our future once and for all. These general elections are going to be the single most historic, most important elections the republic of India has ever faced. The results of these elections will decide a government. That government will shape the future of India once and for all. It's that defining moment in India's history. Either we define the moment or the moment defines us. There is no looking back. This is the big leagues, this is the world cup, this is the final, this is the board exams, this is IT!

So I implore you to go out there and make your choice, because you will be held to it. An Al-Qaida prisoner once said:

"You claim to be a democracy, and as a democracy, you are responsible for your government's actions. So the government is equivalent to the people in a democracy"

Strange, how you can find truth in the weirdest of places. Let's make our choice, and not the choice of a few, not the choice of 50 odd percent, the choice of a billion people, and when we choose, the world shall watch because our government will decide our future and by relation the future of the world. So vote:

Vote so that people may call Barbers, Barbers in movies

Vote so that Biharis may drive taxis in any part of the republic of India

Vote so that women may drink in pubs

Vote so that Terrorism is prevented and not cured

Vote so that when push comes to shove, Indians have food to eat

Vote so that a poor man may receive his pension on time

Vote so that the poor and the rich may get richer

Vote so that we may watch Madhuriji's movies forever

Vote so that we may multiply our Olympian medal winners

Vote so that Puneites have to drive 3 hours for a beach

Vote so that Hrithik may remain the 'Ken' figure that he is

Vote so that fishermen may go out to sea without fearing their throats being cut

Vote so that I may have a coffee with my grandson at the Taj in Mumbai look at the Gateway of India and tell him:

"Jab jab desh par vinaash, asatya aur aneeti ka parinda mandraaya hai,

Tab tab ek junoon humaare desh ki janta mein punarjanamit hua hai,

Hum jo bhi hai humaari janta hai,

Aur hum jo bhi nahi hai humaari junta hi hai"


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