A new blog

Well. I realized that my regular readers might get bored with my political posts and hence decided to move that to this blog. Black Camel’s lair will only feature regular posts like before the 2009 General Elections began.

This new blog will essentially be the spewing point for all of my thoughts on right-wing politics in India. I’m hoping to present my thoughts on the ideological basis behind right-wing line of reasoning. The purpose is to explain to my readers that while right-wing ideology may be complex and not as easy to understand, it stands far superior and far more akin to the thinking we need to bring about change for the better in India.

The right's rights and why the right's right!

Hope y’all will enjoy it.

Political Clouds

I came across this interesting concept at the An Unquiet Mind Blog. Just wanted to replicate some of that and include the BJP manifesto. Due acknowledgement to Mahendra for this idea. Below are word clouds representing the BJP and INC manifestos. The only words removed are "Indian National Congress", "BJP" and "Bharatiya Janata Party"

The BJP Cloud

The INC Cloud

UPDATE:
Mahendra's idea has unleashed a monster. I realized that Wordle could also do RSS feeds. So I took google's RSS news feeds on both the BJP and the INC and created word clouds on what the news was talking about them currently.. Some interesting notes:

1. Advani is bigger than Manmohan in the INC cloud. Lalu is even bigger than Advani.
2. Surprisingly neither "Gandhi" or "Rahul/Sonia/Priyanka" figure much prominently
3. The word "hindu" features in equal prominence in both clouds.
4. The word 'infrastructure' features quite prominently on the BJP cloud, but not at all on the Congress cloud

Here are the clouds:

The National Game of India – Politics!

I've been pondering this idea recently of an anti-model code of conduct for all politicians close to the elections. The EC has got it all wrong. It should be the other way around. About 2 months before the elections, the candidates should get a license to SAY anything they want and get away with it. It will save the EC a lot of work.

This doesn't seem feasible, hence do something yourself. Just assume that the politicians mean almost none of the crap that they've been saying and look at the events and statements again. Anyway nothing that politicians say during election time anyway is adhered to. A beautiful fictional world of drama and one-upmanship will reveal itself that rivals the best director's efforts in bollywood. Truly an amazing replacement until this stupid film folk/multiplex strike finishes. Here are a few episodes:

VARUN GANDHI

1. Varun Gandhi makes/allegedly makes a hate speech.
   
   1. BJP: Damn it! Now what do we do.. let's disassociate with that speech material
      
   2. Congress: HAHAHAHA! Now let's drive the stake in.. Let's keep referring to Varun Gandhi everywhere and portray the communal side of the NDA
      
2. Varun Gandhi files appeal
   
   1. BJP: Crap.. it's getting worse, they're throwing the kitchen sink at him. Claim the CD is doctored.. some sort of damage control.. What can we do? Hmmmmm..
      
   2. Congress/RJD/LJP: Push it.. This is where we get our muslim votes.. Let's send rollers, Priyanka, Rahul, the Geeta, etc.. everything at him
      
3. Varun Gandhi cancels appeal and gets arrested with much fanfare in Pilhibit
   
   1. Congress: Damn it!! Those wily b******s turned it around. Now the locals there will see him as a hero/martyr and he gets a lot of sympathy. God Damn it.. why didn't we think of this.
      
   2. BJP: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Two can play at this political game! Now everything you say in this matter will only help us!! Go Varun Go!! Now he comes out in a week or so on bail, and sweeps the local elections and this hate speech will be long forgotten.
      
   3. Mayawati: Hmm… Here's where I can get some of my Muslim votes. Bring out my NSA arrow.. Point and shoot…
      
4. Varun Gandhi has NSA slapped on
   
   1. BJP: Crap!! The NSA may keep in jail longer and may spoil our election. Damn it.. Why didn't we think of this. Damn you behenji.
      
   2. Congress: Crap!! The NSA is a bit harsh isn't it.. But we can't say that out loud, it'll be as if we're taking Varun's side.. Damn Mayawati has put us in a fix!! Let's just shut the hell up on this. If anyone asks… BJP and Mayawati have a secret pact and it's an elaborate game played by both
      
   3. Maywati: HEHEHEHEHE!! That threw them off balance.. But crap.. if the SC throws out NSA, I'll get slapped..Did I do that right?
      
5. And the story continues..
   
   1. Mayawati might have been better off if she hadn't slapped NSA, especially if the SC throws it out
      
   2. The Congress/RJD/LJP would have given less prominence to Varun Gandhi if they had condemned it and not brought it up everwhere. Now everyone in the country knows who Varun is.
      
   3. The BJP would have been better off if Varun hadn' t made that stupid speech in the first place
      

On Shoes, Tytler and Sikhs

1. Jagdish Tytler gets clean chit from CBI
   
   1. Congress: Lets give Jagdish Tytler and Sajjan Kumar tickets, why don't we have the CBI issue a clean chit before they file, that way they won't have the 1984 riots on their heads while campaigning.
      
   2. BJP: What? Clean chit, 20 days before the election.. Even Lalu isn't that stupid. Nobody will even care if the clean chit is true or not.. the timing is horrible.. Let's bring this up in every show. The mainstream media will play it down, but we have to bring it up.
      
2. Jarnail Singh throws a shoe at Chidambaram (Shoe misses)
   
   1. BJP: Hahahaha.. Some Sikh threw a shoe at Chiddu.. Call up the Akali Dal.. Make them offer him something.. Bring Sikh anger to the forefront.. Call that journalist a hero.
      
   2. Congress: Shit.. somebody threw a shoe.. And you know what the bigger problem is.. That journalist apologized already and everyone is saying he's a nice clean character. Damn it.. If it was someone with a NDA leaning and the shoe had actually hit it would have been better. We could have called it politically motivated and blamed BJP for doing cheap politics. The crappy part is this journalist is too clean to pin anything political on him. If we do anything of the sort, they'll come and kill us on that
      
3. Congress withdraws Tytler and Kumar's tickets
   
   1. BJP: HAHAHAHA! If they think it's over they have another think coming. They've brought up the Gujarat riots way too many times.. This is the first election after 1984 that the 1984 riots is going to become a major issue on.. Push guys Push.. If anyone says communal, tell them about 1984!!
      
   2. Congress: Damn it, we had to withdraw their tickets and now ppl are asking if the CBI report was not manipulated why did we not stick with the same candidates.. What a load of crap we're in. Whose brilliant idea was this CBI crap anyway?
      
4. And the story continues..
   
   1. The congress could've had it's pie and eaten it too if they'd just quietly fielded Jagdish Tytler and Sajjan Kumar. Nobody would've cared much. Their attempt to give them a clean chit before the polls just came back and bit them in the butt!!
      

On Amma, Karuna and Lanka

1. Amma makes a grand coalition in TN
   
   1. Amma: heheeh.. This time I'm going to kill Karuna!! Last time he wiped me out.. This time he's going down!! And I'm definitely in the government at the center. I'll just go with whoever is in the majority, a simple two way bet guaranteed to win..
      
   2. Karuna: Damn it! Amma's got some ppl on her side this time.. Stupid PMK also ran away after all we've done for them… We might get killed this time.. What do we do, what do we do?
      
2. Amma hunger strikes for SL Tamils
   
   1. Amma: Hehehe.. I get the tamil sympathy vote.. I was the first to do it, so I get it. If Karuna does anything now I just go and say that he really doesn't care and is just faking it. Moreover if he fasts for a day, he'll die!!
      
   2. Karuna: Damn it! She's getting more powerful everyday.. I need to come up with a response soon.
      
3. Vaikko says Prabhakaran's blood wil cause a bloodbath here:
   
   1. Amma: Damn that stupid man.. Why did I coalesce with him? Well doesn't really matter he was in both NDA and the UPA and said all of this at that time too.. Which central party can ask me about him.. I'll just put it back on them. I'm too good.
      
   2. Karuna: Damn it.. Amma did it for the Tamil Civilians, Vaikko will also get that few LTTE sympathizers.. I'm in deep shit.. I better make a statement soon.
      
4. Karuna says LTTE chief is his friend
   
   1. Amma: Damn it.. He said it too.. What happens if he gets some seats.. If the seats are split, my chances with the congress are less, because they'd have to dump DMK to get me and hence it would give them only a small gain.. I won't be able to play Kingmaker. What do I do? I know.. I'll taunt the Congress and Sonia.. If my taunts can get them to publicly dump the DMK, I'll have both the UPA and NDA options open and might get some extra votes here too.. Yup.. "HOW CAN SONIA, THE WIDOW OF RAJIV REMAIN SILENT"… "The Congress party must answer on its ally's position"… The BJP will anyway kill them for this unknowingly helping my cause to open a UPA window for me. God damn it I'm too smart for this polity
      
   2. Karuna: Shit.. Amma has begun to attack the Congress over me.. If I'm going to lose a few seats this election, my only hope of govt. is remaining with UPA.. After the Ram Setu stupid questions the NDA will never go with me. The UPA don't want to lose me since I'm pretty much the last of their allies. I need some damage control.. Here goes "We can never forgive the LTTE for Rajiv Gandhi's assassination" ..Damn it.. Hope that does it..
      
5. And the story continues.
   
   1. If Karuna had not remained so silent for so long, he would be much better off. Too little, too late is more dangerous than nothing at all
      
   2. The BJP unknowingly is attacking the Congress by hoping that they'll drop the DMK the last of their allies, but that opens the door for Amma's alliance with the UPA.. Something the BJP doesn't know about. Game theory is a bitch isn't it.!!
      

 

DISCLAIMER: I realize that in this article it may seem as I have trivialized real painful issues to people like the 1984 riots and the Tamil civilians issue. My intent is not to do so. I understand how painful these issues are, I am only attempting to utilize these issues as political statements in the shallow manner that they do. I sincerely apologize if I have hurt any sentiments.

 

 

More on Amisha Patel for PM

Well, I've got some good feedback on my Amisha Patel for PM Post. In a recent debate with a friend, I realized that Amishaji (All the PM candidates have that suffix) should not fight from the NCP but form her own party.

Name: Secular All India Brainless,Asinine Bimbos Association (SAIBABA - We're Secular)

Prime Ministerial Candidate: Amisha Patel (Right now we believe only Amishaji has the statesman like character to be PM)
Party President: Celina Jaitley
Other party members:

• Riya Sen


• The entire female cast of all MTV "Reality" Shows (Roadies, Splitsvilla, GTalk)


• Karan Johar

Party agenda: To make India a more silicone implanted, Botox laden beauty, but reduce the average IQ by several points. This IQ has never been good for us. We don't have any, look where it got us?

Campaign Strategy: Get a mudpit and get two Roadies contenders and make them have a catfight, should attract enough voters. Celina Jaitley/Riya Sen could wow them with their Hindi spoken in English.

Campaign Symbol:

Lok Sabha 2009 - Take the Survey

So, I wanted to get a feel of what the online Indian Voter was thinking. I designed a small survey for the same. Please fill out this survey. Should take only 2 minutes.

http://www.polldaddy.com/s/559488AA241FC99A/

Please feel free to send the link to all your Indian friends! Not being racist, just trying to get some accuracy on the dataset. At last a chain mail that does make to send forward. But I can't promise you luck if you send within 5 minutes, only some good data, which I'll publish here on a weekly basis.

Another Sad Day!

Slashdot has a link to a story that talks of the UN Human Rights Council holding a vote on a law to introduce a law into the member states to enforce the restriction of defamatory statements being made against religions. This law was proposed by Pakistan (Ah! The last remaining bastion of freedom and human rights in this world) on behalf of the OIC (Organization of Islamic Countries) and essentially makes Islam (and other religions) beyond criticism. It will now be illegal to criticize a religion or it's practices in the member states of the United Nations. So much for free speech huh.. You can just fling that out the window.

The vote won 23-11 in the house and had 13 abstentions. India, the glorious democracy and freedom advocate that it is, did not vote for the legislation, however it did not vote against it either. India abstained from voting with a few other strong democracies essentially allowing to pass in the house.

I do realize that the United Nations is now just as comparable to the League of Nations with more lip service than actual action or a voice of it's own, but I believe this vote is symbolic. Our nation, did not vote for the motion, but did not have the gall to go against such a vote and fight for freedom, but chose to do what it did with the resolution on the formation of Israel. Abstain!

If a lot of our rebels and fighters for freedom of speech, expression and self determination were buried in coffins, they'd be shifting uneasily right now!!

You can read the whole story here. FYI.. if you see a BJP ad on the page it's not my attempt to plant BJP propaganda, it's just google adsense doing it since looks like the BJP bought up all the ads on the net!

Tigers and their prey!

It's a pleasure to read something you always independently believe to be true in a column. I have held the view for this election that nobody has a clue what's going to happen. The congress seems supremely confident, the BJP has a more cautioned confidence and all the regional parties already have their leaders measuring out their PM robes. There's one thing they keep forgetting. i.e. the people. The people of our great nation have become predictable only in one respect - their unpredictability.

What pleasure when you see one of your favourite columnists echo that view. Read the full article here.

I'll just leave you with his last paragraph, as usual a hit out of the park:

Never confuse the Indian voter’s temporary maun vrat with the silence of the lambs. This is the silence of tigers, as they pad noiselessly towards their quarry, shattering the air of the jungle only once, with a roar with the final leap towards the prey. When tigers feed only once in five years, the casualty rate can be terrifying.

Amisha Patel for Prime Minister!

So Amisha Patel is contesting from Rajkot on an NCP ticket.. I say let's make her PM.. I believe she deserves it more than most of the other PM-wannabe's out there.. Plus, there will be the following advantages!

1. India will by far have the hottest head-of-state in the world. Carla is only first lady. Suck on that Sarkozy!!
   
2. She won't be interrupted in the Lok Sabha like all our other PMs.. I'm sure most of those old-timers will happily let her speak for as long as she wishes as they ogle her.
   
3. If "Thoda Pyaar Thoda Magic" is anything to go by.. I think South Block will be painted pink, yellow and orange. (That place could use a bit of colour)
   
4. The greatest gift that all Indians will receive is that due to her busy schedule.. "SHE'LL STOP ACTING"!!!
   

I say it's the winning combination.

Talivar Amishaji, Vazhuga

Amisha Patel Nethave dheerathyode nayicholu

UPDATE: I already have 6 supporters. Pledge your support by leaving a comment.

• Sujeet Pillai


• Amit Jain


• Piyush Peshwani


• Venugopal Balasubramanian


• Rajesh "YES WE CAN" Nambiar


• Moiz Husain

UPDATE: I have recently been updated by my wife and other TOI gossip experts that Amisha Patel contesting is really a rumour. I'm keeping the campaign going though!

UPDATE: Venu's contribution. You can already see that visionary look in her eye. With due apologies to the original ofcourse:

Let’s get to the point. No BS please

One of my professors from IIT, Bombay once said a line that has stayed with me forever. I continue to utilize that principle in every aspect of my life and I think it is the most powerful line I have ever heard:

Think straight! Don't get messed up, you must think straight!

Essentially, you'll always have a hundred arguments to justify and complicate the arguments for and against in a debate, however you'll be successful in getting to the root only if you think straight. Be objective! Think like everybody, but think like nobody.

M.J. Akbar, one of the few from TOI that I like, is a person who can shoot straight. No airflow induced deviations, no distractions, straight at the eye of the parrot. I just read one of his articles I missed, and found a couple of thought-points that coincided with mine. Thought I'd bring it to your notice. You can read the full article here. Here are some of his strongest excerpts:

Look, you must not confuse the Pakistan issue with the Indian Muslims issue. Their so-called alienation or their economic deprivation is not linked to the issue of Pakistan.
Indian Muslims have nothing to do with Pakistan. They have absolutely no sympathy for Pakistan. They know that Pakistan was the biggest mistake committed in the history of Indian Muslims. They know it. You can ask anyone in Baroda, Bihar or Mumbai. They know how they are suffering the backlash of all the consequences of cross-border terrorism. 

Brilliant! Especially coming from an Indian Muslim himself. Any of you who've been confused and thought Indian muslims and Pakistan had a sort of bonding.. "BULLS*^#@". Don't confuse it with Pakistan. If Indian muslims have problems, that is our problem, that is India's problem, has nothing to do with Pakistan or the concept of Pakistan.

Here's another gem in straight-shooting:

If whoever is responsible for protecting the nation fails, then he or she should not be allowed to continue in power. That is the toughest and sharpest message we can give. You can tell that you may be a soft State, but we are a hard people and we are hard voters.
We are not going to forgive you for your lies and deception and for your waffling. How many blasts do we need to understand that? When Jaipur , Ahmedabad, Mumbai and Delhi happened no one who was genuinely guilty was caught.
We have to understand now that corruption has eaten away vitals of this nation. It is the biggest danger to the security of India. It is not just the case of some spectrum being sold to someone by some minister in. Everyone who is corrupt get out!

It's simple, don't confuse it with Congress-BJP, Shivraj Patil/Vilasrao Deshmukh, A.R. Antulay or what not. You're the govt., terrorists attack several times giving you a warning and then one major attack takes place. You were incapable of stopping them, and have proved your impotence in curing these 'infidels' as well. You don't deserve to be in govt. You have to go!

Lastly, this:

I don't know how many readers smoke hashish and other stuff, but I am accusing them of cross-border terrorism. Drugs come to India from Afghanistan via Karachi.

If you think you never did anything to aid terrorism, read this. All drug use directly funds those responsible for killing our people. Next time you pick up a syringe, joint, pill or snort, remember that you're practically drinking our blood.

I'll end with one of his best lines ever from a different article. It's one of those lines that makes you feel proud to be an Indian, when our country is reeling from almost everything :

On the day that terrorists attacked Sri Lankan cricketers, I had a previously arranged speaking engagement at a university in Delhi before largely Muslim students. I began with the suggestion that every Indian Muslim should offer a special, public prayer of thanks to the Almighty Allah for His extraordinary benevolence - for the mercy He had shown by preventing us from ending up in Pakistan in 1947. The suggestion was received with startled amusement, instinctive applause and a palpable sense of sheer relief.

 

    

F*** Satyam – Check out the honourable Government of India

Business Standard is reporting a story how Rs. 51,000 crores of public money has gone into NGO/other independent bodies where the CAG (Comptroller Auditor General – India's Auditor) has no way to track what happened to that money. Read the full story here. Here's an excerpt:

The revelation by the Comptroller and Auditor General (CAG) that the government has been overstating the spending on its flagship programmes and other schemes meant for the welfare of the aam aadmi (common man) is distressing, but not a surprise. The report, released two weeks ago, said that funds worth over Rs 51,000 crore allocated for these programmes in 2007-08 were actually transferred to the bank accounts of non-government organisations (NGOs), autonomous bodies and district authorities. The government was apparently clueless as to how these funds were actually used, as the accounts of these agencies were not subjected to any official checks. It was not surprising, therefore, as pointed out by the CAG, that these funds either remained unspent or were diverted to other, usually unspecified, purposes, thereby depriving the intended beneficiaries, mostly the poor. 

51K crores is grossly 15% of all Direct Tax collections in India in a year. Yet our govt. has the gall to increase our income taxes in the name of education cess and poor b@#&$%%$ like me gladly pay up thinking my countrymen are getting a better education. Well maybe they are, the kids of some rich netas are probably going to B-schools in the US on my money. These schemes are probably used to better the conditions of some impoverished politicians, after all the hard work he did, he definitely deserves that new Audi – Poor fellow. Ugh!!

P.S. – I apologize for my language, I was just that disgusted reading this article.

Another WTF - Congress counts 8 Oscars as part of UPA `achievements'

I might be a week late on this but this is awesome. Read the story here. Here's an excerpt.

Keen to be part of the euphoric `Slumdog' bandwagon, Congress has counted the eight Oscars as part of the UPA's `achievements'. The party lost no time in claiming credit for the `Indian triumph' and hinted that good times had come with the UPA government. 

Well they're right, Slumdog Millionaire's story would've lost the charm without all the poverty, dirt and squalor from which the beacon of hope emerges from. Who else is responsible for all that other than years and years of Congress rule!

Five states vote!

The numbers are in!

Delhi

It seems to be a pure progress vote bank. One off stupid statements by Sheila Dixit and the terror strikes in Mumbai doesn't seem to have fazed the Delhi public to overlook her work on progress in the last 10 odd years. A slight dent in their majority may eventually emerge, but will not be enough to worry the congress. I'm guessing the face of smooth Sheila did it for the Congress in the end as compared to where-did-he-fall-out-of V.K. Malhotra. So Delhi's votebanks seem to have voted as if they were voting in a mayor of the city rather than the CM of a state. It seems very local and purely related to a visible developmental performance.

Post-mortem analysis:

V.K. Malhotra should have made more local developmental promises rather than beat the national security and project the centre's inefficacy on Sheila. Delhi seems to be a local public when it comes to state elections. I however doubt whether they'll think the same way when it comes to the LS polls. Delhi being a majority urban centre I'm guessing their public have enough understanding to keep the National issues separate from the regional issues. LS polls will be able to confirm this.

Madhya Pradesh

Looks like this one goes back to the BJP. Old hindutva links and Shivraj Singh Chouhan's developmental plank seems to have worked. BJP will be happy to have retained an incumbent state. MP is also an important state for the LS polls and a strong showing will give them confidence. Not much going for the Congress in 'Hindustan ka dil'

Post-mortem analysis:

Congress needs to really invest in someone special and some really strong issues to dent the BJP here.

Rajasthan

It looks like Rajasthan is confused again. Vasundhara Raje's bumbling mess of a government has probably got what it deserved. Central inefficacy wasn't a good enough reason for the people of Rajasthan to think of choosing Raje again. She's got the boot. However, I must say it wasn't as big a boot as everyone expected it to be. It's not crystal clear as I write yet, but suffice to say that Rajasthan chose the anti-incumbent against the royal. But it seems Ashok Gehlot wasn't all but forgotten, else the defeat would've been a rout. Choose the lesser of two weevils!

Post-mortem analysis:

When you get power – do more than buy BMW's and choppers and if you do, ensure that is heard more than the blades of your chopper. Local development factors here too.

Chattisgarh

Raman Singh's developmental plank seems to have worked. Even though large areas of the state is still widely tribal forest land, it's no simple task to be in the top 5 states in the country to do business in. Add on top of that the stupidity of the Congress with Salwa Julum, I'm not surprised. Overall, well done Raman Singh but your developmental effects aren't reaching all corners of your state, or you would have improved your lead from last time.

Post-mortem analysis:

Local development seems to factor here too in the State elections. Congress can only hope their existing MLAs can do something in terms of development that is big enough to reverberate in the other constituencies.

Mizoram

A whitewash by the Congress. Largest ever majority by any party in this state. I'm beginning to wonder whether Rahul Gandhi was really effective. I always thought he was a waste of food, drink, petrol, newspaper ink and Video camera memory!

Post-mortem analysis:

No Idea.

Strategy to get the men on India's wishlist!

The captured terrorist Kasav mentions that he undertook this mission for:

1. The brainwashing and the indoctrination he underwent
   
2. The money promised to his family (1.5L odd Pakistani Rupees)
   

The concept is to use these emoluments against these people on the wishlist. The brainwashing we can't provide much of, but money we've got adequate amounts. If the LeT/ISI/Al Qaeda can provide 1.5L PKR I'm sure us being the second fastest economy in the world can offer more. So it's quite a simple strategy.

• Make a list of the people in Pakistan we want disposed of – Done
  
• Make a list of targets in Pakistan/POK we want destroyed.
  
• Assign monetary rewards to anyone who hunts them down/destroys these targets and provides proof of their kills.
  
• Start with a small fry/easy target and prove that we intend to actually pay.
  

Why this will work:

• Pakistan already has a great number of arms and ammunition in open supply. We would not even have to provide weapons
  
• Pakistan already has a great number of people with arms training. We would not even have to supply training.
  
• The economic condition is so bad, I'm sure there are people willing to take on the Pakistani army for a few rupees. In fact I think we might get some Pak Army deserters itself to do this for us. Supposedly upto 900 desertions are happening every week.
  
• Don't have to put our army into harm's way. Let Pakistan reap what it sowed!
  
• Ppl like Dawood will begin to distrust everyone. Everyone he meets will be a potential assassin. Even if it doesn't kill him, we'll still have him peeing in his pants